Friday, February 26, 2010


I have not written anything in over two months...I am so sorry! I wonder if anyone is still out there? For those of you that are, here are my ramblings....things have been busy, sad, beautiful, new and crazy. On January 5th my little Kaylee started preschool, which brought tears to my eyes. I was so proud, happy and afraid at the same time. My thoughts were: "She will have so much fun!" followed by, "What if someone kidnaps her?" I know, totally I had to remind myself that she will be fine and not to be a crazy mom :) She did fine and when I picked her up she was happy. However, that night I received a call that my grandma was in the emergency room. I had recived many of these calls before, and it was discouraging because she was recovering so well from her surgery in December. On my way there, I was praying, and I really felt that regardless of the outcome, somehow I would be okay. I knew she loved Jesus, I knew she had been suffering and if it was time, I could not argue with that. When I arrived, I was the first grandchild there, my grandpa was there with my dad and they told me she probably was not going to make it...they were going to work on her for 40 minutes more, but that was all they could do. Then the doctor took us in, he told us that they did their best, but her heart had worn out and that she was gone. Water was pouring from my eyes, but I was trying to stay strong for my grandpa and dad. After a few moments... I think shock sunk in because I was able to think clearly and tell my sisters what was going on. My sisters and I were able to go in and say our goodbyes...I know it may sound morbid, but it really did help....I needed to say goodbye and let her know what I always told her when I saw her...that I love her!!!
The next day was the worst! I woke up sobbing...the shock wore off and it all hit me. I had a hard time with the idea that I was suppose to go about my normal day when things were not normal, and not okay. I could not stop crying, even though I knew she was no longer suffering, that she was now happy and at peace...I was sad because I knew that I would not see her for the rest of my life and that my babies would not remember what a wonderful, beautiful person she was.
The next couple days I felt like a cloud was over my head...or that I was in a fog. I had a photo shoot with a little baby boy and for a brief few hours, I felt that fog leave...I felt good....but as soon as it was over, that feeling slowly crept back. Within a week I no longer felt that dark cloud, but it has almost been two months, and a day does not go by that I don't think of her. I know she wanted me to live a full and happy life and so that is what I am doing. I am enjoying being a mom...listening to my children laugh...dancing with my kids without reservation, and being thankful for my husband who loves me and supports me in all seasons of life. (I know sappy, but true)

I am planning on writing more on my blog... just the day to day stuff with photos, recipes and instructions (when applicable) ...not too much of this serious stuff. Also, I recently started my own photography company. You can check out the website at:
Here is a picture of my recent photo shoot: